What comes first for you: your needs that often feel burdensome, or your martyrship that can feel oh-so-pleasing to another person?

[Check out the video at the end.]

When you face too much argument about taking care of yourself and prioritising your needs, embrace but don’t entertain the argument.

Is this called, being selfish? No, it’s not.

Would you rather go around explaining every person who can’t differentiate between being selfish and being self-loving? Would you beat your head around trying to justify why your choices are out of care and not out of disregard for the others?

Sure, you could explain to some people, the ones who’ve a pattern of acting out of understanding. It might be worth giving them the benefit of the doubt. They could be coming from a place of genuine curiosity and they might want to understand what this alien concept is, about choosing yourself.

Even so, it’s not worth, explaining to someone on multiple occasions, having the same arguments, and obsessing over what you could say differently so they would understand.

(If you’re struggling with mental illness/abuse/trauma, this could be a way lot harder to implement. Remember to be compassionate to yourself.)

You have to know that when you’re dealing with an adult, there needs to be a dance of initiate-reciprocate.

If they leave you hanging and make you solely responsible for either convincing them thoroughly or changing your own mind, then that’s no dance, Potato; that’s them leaving you alone on the floor, after hyping you up for dancing with them.

Where there’s no respect, in whatever kind of relationship dynamic, you could bring all the evidences from the core of the earth, they still wouldn’t be sufficient for someone to respect your choice.

When we try and modify another person’s opinions about us, when we try and modify how they think of us, whether they agree with us, whether they respect us, whether they choose us — we are being involved in acts of selfishness. I’ve been guilty of it on many occasions.

Let them choose for themselves, whether or not their choice is in your favour. Meanwhile, learn to choose for yourself.

Give yourself the permission:
♥ to prioritise yourself.
♥ to give yourself the benefit of the doubt, like you often give to others.
♥ to give yourself the chance to take a leap, like you often put your faith in others.
♥ to find healthy ways of honouring your needs, instead of resenting them.

It’s not selfish. And if it is, you have the permission to be selfish, Potato.

Question for your potatomind:
What is that one need of yours, that you avoid expressing to someone that you love?
Tell me in the comments.

Take crunchy care
Aikta

Music: Detailing by Blue Dot Sessions www.sessions.blue

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